~ Abraham Hicks ~
Overcoming Loneliness and People Pleasing
Have you ever felt lonely and that most people around you, even friends and family, just don't seem to 'get you'? And you SO want them to.
When you are an uplifter, and want to see others happy, it's all too easy to become a people pleaser and before you know it, you're doing everything you can to make them happy, while ignoring your own feelings and desires.
You're certainly not alone, and Abraham has an answer for you below. Either read the blog post, or listen to the video.
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Play the video on the left 'Abraham Hicks - Overcoming Loneliness and People Pleasing - to hear the full audio on this subject.
Listening time: 15 minutes
Most of you are trained to get thrown off track in this way. Someone meaningful to you, like a mother, or a father, or a teacher, or someone you care about holds you as their object of attention, and when you please them they show signs of being pleased, and you like that because you're an uplifter.
You want them to feel good.
So, when you associate someone feeling good with something that you've done, that feels very good to you, but then if they are distracted and are not holding you as their object of attention, you may feel that you need to do something more to please them, or if you should do something that doesn't please them and then they, you feel the repercussions of not having pleased them, then you don't feel good because you've been sort of hanging your star, so to speak, upon them feeling good, and it's what we what we call well-meaning people training you away from your own guidance system by rewarding you with their appreciation, but then by punishing you with their non appreciation, by being put out with you, or disappointed in you, and you have to reach the place where what everybody else thinks about you is really not any of your business.
You have to really not give a rip what they think, or even better said, you must care more about how you feel, than how they feel about something that you're doing, and it's, we know sometimes Esther will say, Abraham is like a small voice in the wilderness because almost everybody is clamoring to please someone else, and that's why there are so many people then that have a hard time even hearing their own guidance. They're so used to listening to others, and then it reaches even greater proportion as people then are wanting to know what the polls say, or what the voters are saying, or what the majority of people.
So, people are then responding to the loudest outcry, instead of to the truest vibration within them, and so more and more people get more and more out of kilter when they are not listening to how they feel, and then people say, even as they hear us they worry, they say Abraham, if everyone were as selfish as you are trying to them to be, what would this world be like?
And we say, it's the Utopia our friend is reaching for. If you are selfish enough to really care about your alignment, and you are an example of that, and others become selfish enough to care about their alignment, and you have a world of people who are in alignment, now you have an incredibly cooperative world, because now you're letting people be. You're not trying to orchestrate their life experiences. You are allowing them...
It's only when you understand that you get what you think about, that you're then willing to allow others to think the thoughts and live the lives that they want to live, but when you believe erroneously, it is so incorrect, when you believe that what others do impact you, then you've got to control them, and you can't do that, and then you just go crazy, and the reason that people believe that others do impact them, is because most people offer the majority of their vibration in response to what they are observing.
You're sloppy in your thinking.
You're observing things that you don't want to live, and by observing them you're including them in your vibration, and by including them in your vibration then you begin living them, and then you associate you're living something you don't want, with them doing something that you didn't want them to do, and so it's sort of a cycle that never works out for anyone.
I'm in a cycle that I'm trying to, you know a personal cycle, not professional, but it seems like I do better professionally, as far as getting what I want, and I focus on what's real.
Well, it is helpful when you say I do really well in this area of my life because, because that will help you then extrapolate what you're doing and apply it to another area of your life, but when you say I do good in this area, but I don't do good in that area, you sort of just hold yourself in that unchanging place. Things can't change if you keep if you keep, if you hold that perspective. The indicators of that vibrational perspective have to keep being your indicators. We really we want to...
So, I need a paradigm shift in a sense...
No, not a paradigm shift. You just need to lean a little bit downstream, just lean a little bit. Just be aware that, just be more aware of the way you feel. Paradigm shifts are so dramatic. Where we're just leaning in the direction of something that feels better, is something so easily achievable.
In other words, what you're looking for is a feeling of relief. You want to talk about the details of it?
Like I said, I've been successful in going from almost nothing, to getting everything that I've ever wanted in lots of ways. One example is, I practically willed myself with my fierce optimism in knowing that I would have a child at forty four, even though the odds were really against it, and I had tried and tried. I still never gave up, but then I ended up somehow in this place that's very lonely. It's by feeling all these feelings, like it's knowing so many who don't think the same.
There that's it. Let's talk about what loneliness is, and so now this speaks to what we were not going...
Like I'm happy myself, but I want more people who understand, I guess. I can't...
Well, we're going to begin by saying something that we think is extremely clever, you may not like it at all, but it's so clever we must say it, and then, and then we'll show you what to do about it.
And so we want to say you're looking for love in all the wrong places.
And then, and then we want to say to you that it speaks to what we were talking about just a little bit ago, where most of you are trained to be aware of the response that you're getting from others, and so you have this sort of duality going on where you innately know that it is your work to come into alignment with who you are, and you've been working to do that, and been seeing the success of that alignment on so many occasions that now you really know it.
You've, you've gone in and you can never step back from that understanding, but then you find yourself feeling lonely because the majority of people don't get what you get, don't know what you know, can't relate to you. It's sort of what we were talking about here in this place of freedom and love and appreciation, most of the population is not steadily there, and that's why so often when, it's interesting when people see someone living something that they want to live, it sort of aggravates their awareness that they're not there, and then they almost get on the attack. They don't mean to. They really are more well-meaning than it seems, but they are sort of striving for a sort of empathy. They want you to come over there so that you can have a conversation with them, and part of you, the physical part of you, would sort of like to go over there too.
So, then we say reassuring things to you such as, you cannot uplift from your place of not being uplifted. In other words, we like to tell the story that if you were walking along a mountain ledge with two friends, and one of them was very clumsy, and the other one was very sure-footed, and you had twisted your foot, or fallen over the edge and you were hanging by a flimsy vine, which of those two people would you be glad is there?
And so your greatest value to everyone that you know, and you are a teacher to the very core of your being. Your greatest value to everyone that you know, and those that you are coming to know, is in your alignment. So, then you say, but like some people so often say, it's lonely at the top, and we say, it's lonely at the higher vibrations if you are looking for numbers, but if you are understanding that the feeling of loneliness, just like every other negative emotion, is not about the absence of something that is physical, or someone that is physically rendezvousing with you. That feeling of loneliness is about you thinking a thought that holds you in a vibrational frequency that's different from the thought that your inner being thinks.
So, let's talk about moments when you feel that strong feeling of loneliness coming on. Let's say that you're watching someone who is not joyful, someone that you care about who you want to be joyful, and as our psychotherapist friend that we talked to earlier, you are, you're unwilling really to walk over there all the way and teach them what you know, because you understand that on a vibrational basis they're not gonna hear you anyway. You've tried that. You've tried to explain, they're sort of rooted in their beliefs, and they're not coming to where you're coming, and so you're going over there isn't going to help them anyway, but in this process of this, in this process of seeing this person not feeling good, you have put the new and improved version of them, which means the better feeling version of them, you have put the better feeling version of them in your vibrational escrow, and so there they are and the broader part of you has focused upon the better feeling version of them, but you in your human form are not focused upon the better feeling version of them. You're looking at them where they are, and in doing so you've separated yourself from who you are and you're blaming them, or at least giving them the credit for that, and then you come to the conclusion that this is a feeling of loneliness that I'm having because they don't get me, or because they don't get what they need to get in order to feel better, and we say, it's a feeling of loneliness that is a feeling of negative emotion that is present, because you're looking at them in a way that the broader part of you is not now looking at them.
The broader part of you, your exposure to them, caused you to expand your version of them. They, in what you observed them lived, caused you to give birth to an expanded version of them that you're not living up to.
True upliftment is living up to the expanded version of people that you have seen you see, and they're not going to help you, because they're not in the expanded version of them.
So they're over there, living life the way they've been living, complaining about the things that they've been complaining about. They're not helping you out at all, and we can see how it would feel uncomfortable, that you might even feel resentment, or anger, or loneliness about not being able to just grab them and drag them over there where they belong.
We want you to understand, as you let go of that need to control what's going on with them, and as you say things to yourself such as, it's temporary, and that part of them is really none of my business. This part of them is what I want to give my undivided attention to. Before you know it, you will discover that, as you come into alignment with your expanded better feeling version of them and you maintain it consistently, you maintain that positive, optimistic, because you practice it when you're not with them. As you, as this version of them becomes even only slightly, not a paradigm shift, just even slightly more dominant in your vibrational encounter, in your vibrational beingness than where they are, what will happen is Law of Attraction will start lining you up with this version of them, rather than this version of them.
You'll just, you'll be zigging and zagging, and missing that version of them, and you'll be hooking up with this version of them. You know how so many people are manic-depressive, they feel good one day and, or one minute, not good the next, and there are some subjects they feel good about, in some subjects that they feel bad about. In other words, they're up and down and all over the place, well Law of Attraction knows where they are, and when they are there, and Law of Attraction, and if you're maintaining your vibrational alignment with the new and improved version of them, Law of Attraction is going to give you the impulse to call them when they're there with you, getting, causing you to meet them in the grocery store when you're there. When they're there with you it's amazing, people can walk down the same street, in the same city with different vibrations going on within them and have two entirely different experiences.
Walking down the street, rendezvousing with different people. Some people will be invisible to one, and other people will be invisible to another. Law of Attraction says that your world is as unique as your vibrational perspective in any moment in time, so as you clean up your vibration, your world begins to reflect how you're feeling.
So, when you say, they make me feel lonely. We say they're just a reflection of your discordant vibration with who you really are, and as you understand that, and start working to bring yourself into alignment, then no one ever makes you feel bad.
Your feelings become unheardable, and it's not lonely, it, there is no inkling of loneliness in steady alignment. You just get feeling so good, you just get feeling so good, and then the positive part of people begin flocking to you.
If you've got the negative part of people flocking around you...
I think that's what I've done.
You've been empathizing with them, and so many of you here in this room do this because you are born uplifters, and it feels to you like you need to go over there, where they are, and drag them into the light, and we've never seen one person ever drag anyone else to the light, because when you get over there and the shadows, your light goes out. You don't know which way...
I feel deplete it, yes that's it, yeah, of my energy...
Here are some things that you can say that will suit you:
You're all right, right where you are. You could think to yourself about that one, and where you are is temporary, and where you are is the catalyst that helps you and me to define where you really want to go, and I think I have a pretty clear picture of who you really are and where you want to go, and I'm gonna start practicing that picture more and, I'm enjoying this interaction, and the contrast of your life is meaningful to me because it gives me something to focus upon, and I can feel that I am expanding because of my interaction with you, and I would never want to just put you off in a corner out of my life. I don't want to abandon you. I want to benefit by my relationship with you, and you're helping me to tune up my vibration and come into vibrational alignment with who I am, and I can feel that true mastery of oneself is tuning in to the vibration of one's core regardless of what's going on around, and I think that the loneliest thing in the whole world, you can say to yourself, or even to another, I think that the loneliest thing in the whole world would be to believe that I have to fix all of those things before I can feel good, because I know that that is impossible, and that is deep despair, not just loneliness, but when I understand that I don't have to fix anything, I just have to tune myself into vibrational alignment with who I am now.
I've got it.
In other words, can you feel the power and the freedom of recognizing that it's just your vibration that you've got to be in charge of, and that you can be in charge of that pretty easily.